Two questions, ladies. 1) Do you have an ass? 2) Can you twerk so hard you could churn butter with it?
If you’re a YES on both, Diplo needs your help. This Sunday, the dirty beat impresario brings us his latest creation: “Butts Around the World,” wherein he will attempt to break the “world record” of twerkers twerking at one time with his patented “Twerk-Wall.” If some of those words make sense to you, and you’re interested in joining Diplo on this noble quest, here’s what’s what: You can win one of 50 free tickets to this weekend’s Electric Zoo dance music festival on Randall’s Island by sending Diplo a video of yourself twerking to, naturally, firstname.lastname@example.org. If his #expressyourself contest from last year is any indication, the competition will be fierce. Diplo and his assorted Mad Decent Bros will review each video submission with what we can only presume is absolute seriousness (lab coats, clipboards etc.). Presto Chango, Twerk-Wall assembled.
We guess “Wall” must now be the official collective noun for a group of twerkers. Like if lions hang in a pride, geese in a gaggle, twerkers always work in a wall. Maybe Oxford English dictionary–which just added “twerk” online–can weigh in. Either way, this is not Diplo’s first twerk rodeo. The title track on his 2012 EP Express Yourself is basically an audio instruction manual in how to twerk, and after its release Diplo ran a contest for fans to send him photos of their twerk handstands. Since then, Diplo’s Twitter and Instagram have been glazed in a sheen of butt-sweat, as fans send in soft-(and not so soft-)core twerking pics and videos which the man gleefully reposts. That’s partly why the GIANT PERVS at Buzzfeed encourage you to follow him.
Again, Diplo is billing this as a “world record” attempt at assembling the greatest numbers of twerkers ever twerking in one place, because the Guinness people (shockingly) have no entry for this. It’s a little silly to claim the record with just 50 twerkers when you consider Diplo has spent much time in New Orleans (he shot his twerk-heavy “Express Yourself” video there), and you can find twice as many folks twerking there at 2 p.m. in a Wal Mart. But we guess the record has to be OFFICALLY claimed by someone, and will surely be smashed soon after. But for a brief period in time, you could get your name in the record books. Just think how proud your parents will be.
And how should we feel about this jiggling wall of girl flesh, seducing the eye-balls of 100,000 EDM fans? In a word: good. In two words: mad good. The slut-shaming of Miley Cyrus for all her hard twerk at the VMAs shows us that body-hatred and puffed-up prudery are alive and well in those sexless ivory towers of the lamestream media. Twerking is not just good. Twerking is LIFE. (Or, at the very least, can earn you a scholarship.)
Be safe out there.
(cross-posted at the Village Voice)