R.I.P. Johan Cruyff

Can’t believe Johan #Cruyff has died. I prefer to think he pretended to die, and sent the world media in entirely the wrong direction.

I hate astrology.

No one knows what “Mercury in retrograde” means. Go ahead: ask anyone who says it. They don’t have one clue.

And while we’re at it, why the hell do we still talk about this shit anyway? Horoscopes are a medieval superstition, but they’re still in newspapers. Why? No one turns to the sports page for witch burning results.

Santa-Con

Santa-Con shows us just how badly most of us want to be part of something. And also that most things we pick are really stupid.

Big decision

After much deliberation, I’ve decided eggnog is my favorite drink that looks like ejaculate.