Can’t believe Johan #Cruyff has died. I prefer to think he pretended to die, and sent the world media in entirely the wrong direction.
What a glorious chapter in the annals of warfare. Killing 14 unarmed people by the Starbucks in Terminal B. True valor. #Brussels
I think there’s a market for this.
“Once an audience realizes that their approval is irrelevant to you, they often relax and start to give it to you.” – Stewart Lee
I’m writing a radio play for Carrot Top. First line: “Look at this crazy prop”. “And how about this one?” is his second.
This person is a badass. I had no idea this was an issue. Please consider supporting RISE and Sexual Assault Survivors’ Rights Act.
No one knows what “Mercury in retrograde” means. Go ahead: ask anyone who says it. They don’t have one clue.
And while we’re at it, why the hell do we still talk about this shit anyway? Horoscopes are a medieval superstition, but they’re still in newspapers. Why? No one turns to the sports page for witch burning results.
Just remembered: went to Buckingham Palace this year and forgot to tell you about it. Here’s the story.
Santa-Con shows us just how badly most of us want to be part of something. And also that most things we pick are really stupid.
After much deliberation, I’ve decided eggnog is my favorite drink that looks like ejaculate.